The Science and Art of Positive Psychology- Part Three

 

The previous posts from this series ( which can be found here and here) revealed that pursuing happiness is essential for living a fulfilled and healthy life.

Something to be mindful of is that sometimes our pursuit of happiness could actually lead us in the wrong direction. This can happen when:

  • In our efforts to stay “happy” we try to fully eliminate negativity which is not a feasible strategy as negativity is “embedded” in us as a natural way of protection against danger.
  • We tend to engage in non-meaningful activities to keep ourselves cheered up or distracted (like my tendency to continuously watch multiple episodes of my favorite show until I realize that hours have passed), which in hindsight is more of a temporary “quick fix” rather than a sustainable way to attain happiness.

The key is not to eliminate negativity or distract ourselves from it, but to keep our ratio of positive to negative emotions within healthy limits. Positive psychology tells us that the “optimal” ratio is 3 to 1 and this is the ratio above which the people are found to be “flourishing” (you can read more about the ratio and how to calculate it here). The higher the ratio, the greater the associated growth and resilience.

When we start calculating  our positivity ratios most of us will find them to be lower than what we would like them to be (which also happened to be my case!) – the reason might be that our negative experiences tend to be “louder” and more -prominent than positive ones which are more subtle; thus the negative ones are more easily remembered and higher weighted. For example, which situation do you think will stay with you more – a friend who said something nice and cheered you up, or the same friend making a nasty comment that made you feel miserable?

Therefore, calculating your baseline ratio based on the result for only one day is not the best strategy. To get really meaningful insights try to do the calculation every day for at least a week and afterwards calculate the average.

Research shows that we don`t really need huge positive events to tip our positivity ratios- mild positive experiences that occur in a sustainable way matter the most. One great aspect of the positivity ratio calculation is that it will very likely trigger some thinking around all these small positive emotions that we tend to overlook during the day. This way we`ll learn to discover the value of the small positive things around us (which actually matter a big deal) and to develop an opened readiness to capitalize on them and increase their number. For instance, you might discover that small things such as going for walks uplift you, but you never thought of it. As a next step, you can incorporate it in your daily routine, or perhaps go for a walk when you need a positive influx.

And once again- trying to fully eliminate negativity is not a feasible strategy:

  •  It is unnatural as negativity is embedded in our nature
  •  Research shows that exclusively positive people tend to lose their creativity and that successful entrepreneurs need a “pain point” that triggers them to take decisive action.
  •  A positivity ratio that induces flourishing requires some amount of negativity- that is why the optimal positivity ratio is 3 to 1 and not 3 to 0.

Being able to honestly recognize negativity therefore allows us to be grounded in reality and to be more creative.

So go ahead- start calculating your positivity ratio and let me know how you experienced this by leaving a comment below 😉

 

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Ten takeaways from attending the “Wisdom in Business” conference in Amsterdam

We are constantly occupied with accomplishing our goal of the day, the week or the year. And once it is accomplished we move on to the next one which has already been lined up. And then the next one. Celebrating the accomplishment, reflecting on the lessons learnt and taking time off to rest, recharge and consciously decide on the next steps often seem like a sort of a luxury which we don`t have time to indulge in. 

A few weeks ago I found myself getting stuck in this pattern and decided to take time to learn, recharge and get inspired by attending two conferences in Amsterdam – ‘Wisdom in the Business’ and ‘Inner Peace’, centered around themes that are close to my heart such as self-reflection, compassion and mindful living.

I find such topics to be of high relevance in both our professional and private lives, where a lot of focus is put on doing rather than being, searching outside rather than inside and taking rather than giving.

I greatly enjoyed the conferences, both of which offered new insights and plenty of food for thought. As usual, I took plenty of notes (for those who know me, you know well I have a thing for taking notes 😉 ) and below is my synthesis in the form of ten learnings from “Wisdom in the Business” conference; these are not  quotes, but my personal takeaways from the different speeches; I`ve also added the names of the speakers in case you would like to find out more about them.

  1. Applying wisdom in the business is about putting priority on the people in the organization and creating a caring culture which will eventually have positive impact on business performance (Richika Sookrey, Google).
  2. Contributing to the formation of a caring corporate environment starts with you practicing self-care and also having the courage to open up and share your story and vulnerability with others. Very often this has a domino effect where people gradually become more connected and caring for each other. This applies to all levels – from individual contributors to senior leaders (Kamel Hothi & Gian Power, TLC Lions).
  3. A big challenge that we have in our western culture is not acknowledging death as a natural part of our lives and living as if it doesn’t exist; by keeping running with time instead of taking time to established what really matters to us. A useful exercise that would help us get more in touch with our inner world and our true (but sometimes hidden) drivers is to contemplate the hypothetical situation of us dying in 3 months, and to ask ourselves – Who do you want to see? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do? (Stephan Rechtschaffen, Author of the book Timeshifting).
  4. Every time you give yourself time to explore the unknown, you unravel a new a side of yourself. (Stephan Rechtschaffen)
  5. In order to be happy we need to exercise our minds just like we train our muscles. But in order to achieve this, we need to be persistent with our mindfulness & meditation practice (and practice at least two times a day), which very few of us do consistently. In order for meditation to really work for us we need to turn every aspect of our life into meditation practice. (Mo Gawdat, former Chief Business Officer for Google X, an entrepreneur, and the author of the book Solve for Happy)
  6. Often we live under the assumption that we are fully in control, but this is rarely the case – we are only in control of our free will, but we are always operating in a bigger context that is beyond our zone of control. (Mo Gawdat)
  7. You don’t do something because it is either not important to you or you are doing too many things at the same time. Focus your attention on the thing that matters most. If you trully want to spend time with your family, make it a point not to touch your phone when you are with them. (Mo Gawdat)
  8. We experience time as “flying”, when we are not really present and are instead living in our heads, occupied with thoughts related to the past or the future. We truly live and remember every moment when we are in the real world and not in our heads (Mo Gawdat).
  9. By 2049 machines will be 1 billion times smarter than us. This is the difference between us and flies. The key question is, what will the machine do to the fly? In order for the machines to develop to be compassionate they need to be taught values which we also need to display in our daily lives. We need to be able to communicate to them that our culture as a society is to be compassionate and caring. (Mo Gawdat).
  10.  The Parable of the Sadhu contains important learnings for individuals and corporations: 1) Be compassionate towards each other and do not forget one’s humanity 2) Stop creating narratives around not taking action and helping others in your pursuit of seemingly important but essentially meaningless goals. (James R. Doty, Clinical Professor of neurosurgery at Stanford University and founder and director of the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education).

For those of you who also attended the  conference – I`ll be curious to find out whether my learnings resonated with you and hear more about your reflections.

 

 

 

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30 Day Photo Diary: Day 15 – A story about smiling with your heart

 

 

They are meetings that do not seem to hold a particular significance yet leave you illuminated and uplifted, and make you smile every time every time you go back to them in your memories. Many of these meetings for me have happened in India.

One of them was with Naomy Jane, shining like a little sun and radiating pure joy. 

 

 

A meeting without words yet filled with such meaningful exchange of positive energy. A meeting that lasted for a few minutes, which seemed to expand in time and which comfortably found space in my memories.

 

 

A meeting with no specific purpose, no agenda, simply sharing one’s love for her baby goats with a curious stranger, who enchanted by your charm is taking picture after a picture.

A meeting that reminded me how little you need to smile from your heart.

And how important it is to do it more often.

 

 

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Има срещи, които привидно не са значителни, но същевременно те оставят зареден и развълнуван и към които винаги се връщаш с усмивка. В моя случай повечето такива срещи се случват в Индия.

Такава беше срещата с Наоми Джейн – едно малко слънце  разпръскващо лъчи от щастие.

Среща без думи, но изпълнена със толкова смислен обмен на позитивна енергия.

Среща, която продължи няколко минути, които се разтегнаха във времето и удобно се настаниха в спомените ми.

Среща без повод, без програма, просто  спонтанно споделяне на любовта ти към козлетата ти със случаен минувач, който запленен от чара ти прави снимка след снимка.

Среща, която ме подсети колко малко е нужно да се усмихнеш от сърце.

И колко е важно да го правим по-често.

 

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